It has been about 3 weeks now that I have been without a job. This is not what I thought it would be. It is not fun. It is not glorious. It is no where near satisfying. I have an okay amount of money in the bank, thanks to my scholarships and loans, that is keeping me from falling behind on bills. I have just about enough to last me near 4 months.

This should be fun right? No more working on weekends (The only 3 weekends that I have had off in the last 5 months has been these last 3), no more wanting to die from working retail, and no more wanting to kill my coworkers because it seemed I was doing way more than my fair share of work. Sounds like the good life right? Money stashed to pay the bills and the only responsibility is school, it should be just easy sailing.

But it isn’t.

Every single day I keep thinking about what I am going to do and what job am I going to have and should I take out more loans so I don’t have to worry or maybe I should just go back to my last job.

Every day I think about what comes next. To ease my mind, I have funneled most of my possibilities down to a few scenarios:

Scenario 1: My bank account slowly dwindles down to the point that I am forced to go back to one of my two previous jobs because they are the only ones that I really know how to do and know that I will be taken back.

Scenario 2: I get a job on campus doing things that I may or may not enjoy or catch on to. This is of course after I get past the anxiety of applying to various buildings on campus and trying to figure out which position I would be least likely to want to rip my hair out.

Scenario 3: I get an online job as a freelance writer and make my big break into the world of writing and I punch myself for not doing it sooner OR I fail miserably at this and am forced into one of the above scenarios.

Scenario 4: I finally finish my novel “Ashes” and get it published and it makes me so much money that I can pretty much do whatever I want and I effectively become the next J. K. Rowling.

Scenario 5: I take out so many more loans to pay for my living through college that I end up with so much debt it would be cheaper to go to medical school.

Personally I like scenario 4. That has literally always been my dream – becoming just like Rowling who lost her billionaire status because she donated so much to charity. The woman who has literally changed and shaped millions of lives including my own. The woman who ,despite all of her difficulties, rose up to become one of the best writers I have ever had the pleasure to read.

Just one catch – my motivation is horrible. What can I do about that? Well make a post about how to improve your motivation and hope it catches on in my head of course!

So that’s it. My next post will be about becoming motivated and doing what you really want to do. Keep an eye out for it! In the meantime – if you have any advice for me, or any questions, please leave me something in the comments below! It feels rather lonely and pathetic talking on here to myself!

Until next time.


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