I hate the emotional days. The ones where my heart feels like it is just too wrong for this world and I can’t stand to see the things that are going wrong in my country. The days where it overwhelms me thinking about what the future may hold and if I am wasting a huge amount of time and money going to college to get a piece of paper that may end up meaning nothing.
I hate the days where the only thing I want is to just be back in the hospital I was in for a week because everything was so simple there. Everyone had problems there and it was so easy to actually relax and try to get better because I had no weight on my shoulders. I could listen to the people there and give them feedback and guidance and I never had a worry that I was missing something over my head, or that something was about to happen that I was forgetting about or was unprepared for. I feel like I will be living my life waiting till I can retire to a retirement place where the only worries I have is if I have enough good books to read and if I make it to the cafeteria in time to have breakfast.
All I want is a simple life filled with simple things like being able to enjoy a really good book after a really nice shower, but there is a fire in me that never lets me rest and a hope in me that maybe one day I could make an impact on the world and all of these things in my head leaves me feeling like I am on the verge of exploding or melting or something.
A hurricane lives in me and I don’t know if I should live my life inside a cellar waiting for the eternal storm to pass or if I should spend my wings and learn to ride the winds that can carry me to bigger and better places.