Things On My Mind

I often find myself wondering what I could write about for my next post.

And by often, I mean literally all the time.

I’m always wondering what the next story is, where the next advice will lead, or how I can reach out and help people. And I’m starting to realize that in my current situation, I’m not really doing anything that makes me happy. I love photography. Hiking with my cousin is amazing. Going on adventures with my best friend is so much fun. I enjoy cooking for a few others, and hearing their responses of the food. I love to talk for long stretches about the new book I’m reading – I haven’t picked up a book in months.

I’m surviving, but I’m hardly living.

When I think about people doing what they want to do in life, I think of people who have retired, and are finally reaching for their dreams. I think of people who have already made it big, and are loving the life they are living. I don’t think that’s right. Why should we wait to be living a life we want, especially if it is something we are capable of doing right now.

I’m going to be honest. I hate my job. I mean I really do just despise the work that I do. It’s meaningless. It’s shallow. I work in retail, and honestly, my regular customers are the only thing keeping me in here. I can see the difference I make on people – and I love that. But that’s the only thing keeping me – that and this overwhelming feeling like I have to stay, because if I leave, things will go up in smoke. That’s not right either.

My job doesn’t need me. The store operated without me before, and it will operate without me. I still can’t just walk away though – I have too many bills to do that. I have to know I can support myself, that’s only logical.

So I have to find a new life path – a new job, a new career to pursue.

I’d love a job where I don’t have to worry about how I look. I’d love a job where I know I can reach out and help others, but be able to have the space when I need it. I want to feel challenged, but I don’t want to be pushed so hard I burn out. I expect so much out of myself, but perhaps my happiest will be accepting a peaceful, humble life.

However, trying to find good, somewhat artistic, sophisticated, tolerable stress-leveled job that actually has a meaning, isn’t all that realistic. So what do I do? Just give up on my dream job because it sounds so unrealistic?

Nah man, I’m a creator. I’m a friend. I’m a guiding force. I believe that I will find what I am looking for, and if I can’t, I’ll create it myself. We all can do that. Make our dreams a reality. You just have to know what it is you really want – and then fight for it.


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