8 Signs You Are Emotionally Intelligent

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand them, and apply them to the real world. Here are 8 basic signs that you are likely high in emotional intelligence. Now these aren’t supposed to be definitive, as everyone is different. These are just some common signs, and not a be all end all for emotional intelligence. So read on, but keep in mind that there is always more to something than what one short article can tell you.

You know what you’re good at, and what you’re not.

You know what your strengths are, and you know what your weaknesses are. You seem to have a good ability of being self-aware. Knowing your strengths doesn’t make you big-headed, and you aren’t afraid of your weaknesses.

The past and the future don’t control you.

Not everyone can let go of the past, and even less are not afraid of the future. You have this skill of being able to live life one day at a time, almost always being present in the moment. That’s not to say there aren’t some things you can’t let go of, and there will always be something around the corner that makes us worry. This doesn’t stop you from living your life where it is happening – right here in the present.

Understanding emotions is a second nature.

This is basically what emotional intelligence is. You are able to identify your own emotions, and those of others. It goes beyond this. You just get emotions the way a chemist just gets the elements. Because you have such a grasp on what emotions you are feeling, you are usually pretty good at controlling them, always keeping yourself in line. 

You are good at maintaining balance.

A healthy individual with high emotional intelligence usually has a pretty good life balance. You know when to take a break from work, but you know when to work hard. Life is like a juggling act, and you seem to be pretty good at it.

You can forgive, even if you don’t want to.

Sometimes forgiveness is hard. We want to be mad, to hold grudges. Especially against the people who hurt us. But you can almost always find it in your heart to forgive someone, especially if they sincerely ask for it. You understand them, you get where they are coming from. Because you can put yourself into their shoes, so to speak, it can make it hard to stay mad, so forgiving is just in your nature.

You are curious.

Something else that is in your nature is a huge curiosity. You always are looking to understand things: the whys, the hows. You just want to know. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back – and that rings true for you.

You can adapt to most any situation.

Being that you are good with maintaining your emotions and a nice life balance, you’ve found that you are pretty good at handling whatever life throws at you. Your ability to be in the present allows you to adapt quickly when situations change, and your skill with other people allows you to generally diffuse tense situations. 

You have a special way with people.

Most people are guided, on some level, by their emotions. Lucky for you, you have this deep understanding of those emotions. When you are able to recognize what emotions someone is feeling, it’s easier to get them to trust you. Because of this, people seem to flock to you for advice, or to just spill their hearts out. People can see that you just get what it is they are feeling, and because of this, you tend to have some level of influence over them. 

Be warned, though, having these skills can make it really easy to manipulate people for your own gain. Knowing your way around the emotional battlefield gives you some power, and if you aren’t careful, power can corrupt. No one likes a manipulator, not in the long run at least. The path of selfish gain only ends in lonely despair. Realize your talents, and use them to better the world, little pieces at a time. 




What Is Sacrifice?

Sacrifice means many things.

It means giving something up for the sake of another thing.

It means putting your personal desires aside to help another.

Sometimes it’s choosing to stop some actions,

In lieu of your future.

It’s giving up what you want,

In order to get what you need.

Sacrifice the good,

In hopes of the better.

A true sacrifice must hurt. It must cost you.

Because if you only give what you don’t want,

You will never receive what you hope for.

Strummed Strings – Photo credit: Alec Edens

4 Things I Learned After I Quit My Life

About 2 months ago, I quit my life. In hindsight, I probably should not have done something so rash, however I did gain some things from the experience.

Perhaps this is old news for you, but these 4 things will be the building blocks for the rest of my life.

Enough Is Enough

This phrase usually means something is stopping. No more. Cease the action! Usually I see it used when someone is talking about some kind of output stopping. When there should be no more.

But what about having enough?

We live in a culture of “More, More, More!” More money, More entertainment, More consuming.

I learned that we really only need just enough. Not more than enough.

I’m done trying to live my life seeking for more than enough. I just need enough, and that’s good enough for me.


You Have Limited Resources

Energy, time, money – whatever you consider to be your resources, they are the things we collect, store, and invest into the things in our lives.

We all have a finite amount.

You may be thinking “Well, duh!” – But it doesn’t stop at just knowing we have a limited amount of resources we can spend on cultivating our lives. I learned that, because we have a limited amount of resources, we have to be careful with them.

Because you have a limited amount of personal resources, that makes them intrinsically valuable.

Would you trade a real diamond for a fake one? What about trading a Lamborghini for a tricycle?

Yeah, you can spend your resources on anything, but why not spend them on things that will give you something back?

Additionally, when you are devoting some of your resources to completing a task, don’t waste those resources by doing a poor job that you will need to redo later. Do it right the first time, and you will have more resources to spend on other things.


Unconditional Positive Regard 

Coined by humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard is a basic idea of acceptance and support.

I learned that giving people unconditional positive regard – not judging them, not placing requirements on your love or care – makes not only them happier, but it makes me happier as well.

Anyone can come to me with anything, and I will interact with everyone with this basic idea. I have seen people change because of this, and I have felt myself change as well.

Even if you can’t do this to everyone – try. Be sincere about it and I promise you will begin to feel a change for the better.


Mind. Body. Soul.

I’ve spent a large portion of my life living lackadaisically in regards to my health. I haven’t given much attention to my diet or my sleep, nor to my relationships, my mind, or my interests. I’ve realized it’s time to change that.

I learned that being healthy takes a multi-facet approach. To really become healthy, and become the best you can be – give these three areas the proper attention they need:

Mind – This is not just your mind, but your heart as well. They are two sides of the same coin. They may feel like they pull you in different directions, but they only give you options. Find a balance, and stretch your mind and heart. They will grow, and you will grow.

Body – We all are, at a fundamental level, a bio-organism that requires our care and attention. Just like a baby requires care and attention to survive, so does your body. Don’t neglect it. Be conscious of what you put into your body, and what you do with it, and your body will perform in ways you never thought possible. Wild animals take care of their bodies, so why shouldn’t you?

Soul – This one can be a touchy subject for some people, so I’ll be brief on it. Find the things in life that bring you happiness. Not the short term pleasure, but the deep kind of joy that so many people live without. Live your life looking for the good things – love, peace, patience, kindness, and joy.

I’ve learned many things in my life, and I know I have many things yet to learn. Do me a favor, and do someone else a favor, and pass these things on.


Sunrise, the dawn of a new day. Photographer: Dakota Fenstemaker

Short Post

So I wanted to share with you all that I’ve done the most irrational thing I have ever done.

I’ve withdrawn from my classes, and I’ve taken a leave from my job. And honestly, I have never felt more free in my life.

I’m going to be spending the coming weeks very devoted to creating things and I think you all will benefit from it too!

So keep an eye out for me, we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other! If you have requests for something you’d like me to talk about, but let me know!

(Photo credit to Kaitlyn Edens. See more of her work here.)

Things On My Mind

I often find myself wondering what I could write about for my next post.

And by often, I mean literally all the time.

I’m always wondering what the next story is, where the next advice will lead, or how I can reach out and help people. And I’m starting to realize that in my current situation, I’m not really doing anything that makes me happy. I love photography. Hiking with my cousin is amazing. Going on adventures with my best friend is so much fun. I enjoy cooking for a few others, and hearing their responses of the food. I love to talk for long stretches about the new book I’m reading – I haven’t picked up a book in months.

I’m surviving, but I’m hardly living.

When I think about people doing what they want to do in life, I think of people who have retired, and are finally reaching for their dreams. I think of people who have already made it big, and are loving the life they are living. I don’t think that’s right. Why should we wait to be living a life we want, especially if it is something we are capable of doing right now.

I’m going to be honest. I hate my job. I mean I really do just despise the work that I do. It’s meaningless. It’s shallow. I work in retail, and honestly, my regular customers are the only thing keeping me in here. I can see the difference I make on people – and I love that. But that’s the only thing keeping me – that and this overwhelming feeling like I have to stay, because if I leave, things will go up in smoke. That’s not right either.

My job doesn’t need me. The store operated without me before, and it will operate without me. I still can’t just walk away though – I have too many bills to do that. I have to know I can support myself, that’s only logical.

So I have to find a new life path – a new job, a new career to pursue.

I’d love a job where I don’t have to worry about how I look. I’d love a job where I know I can reach out and help others, but be able to have the space when I need it. I want to feel challenged, but I don’t want to be pushed so hard I burn out. I expect so much out of myself, but perhaps my happiest will be accepting a peaceful, humble life.

However, trying to find good, somewhat artistic, sophisticated, tolerable stress-leveled job that actually has a meaning, isn’t all that realistic. So what do I do? Just give up on my dream job because it sounds so unrealistic?

Nah man, I’m a creator. I’m a friend. I’m a guiding force. I believe that I will find what I am looking for, and if I can’t, I’ll create it myself. We all can do that. Make our dreams a reality. You just have to know what it is you really want – and then fight for it.

Long Time, No Contact

Wow has it been a while. So many things have happened since the last time I posted! It’s awesome and kind of scary how much your life can change in just a short amount of time. So this post isn’t going to be long, and I doubt there will be very many people who will actually read it, but I have a few things in the works. I don’t anticipate this blog being brought back to life in the general sense of a blog. I’m not going to be posting pointless articles just for the sake of posting. I don’t want this to become a typical and predictable blog. Therefore, I’m only going to post actually good material – and sometimes good material takes a while to create. So I apologize in advance if it takes me a while to get something together, but I promise I am working on it!

In the meantime – do me a favor and go take a look at my photography! Perhaps you will find some inspiration for your own life! All of my photography can be found at ViewBug.com/member/KotaKai. You can also follow me on Instagram @PandemKai (because why not?)

Here’s a very small sample for those of you who won’t go look at my photos:)EP1280147.jpg


Reaching Out To You

Hey everyone!

So I desperately need something from you: your feedback!

I want to hear from you all! What do you think of my posts so far? What would you like to see me talk about in the future? What are you dying to read about right now?

What are some things that you are struggling with and would like advice on? What have you always wondered but never felt like researching? Give me something to write about! Something tailored to you!

So please, I’m begging you, leave me a comment below, or if you would like to reach me privately, go this this contact page, and you can get ahold of me there!

I’m trusting you guys!